Hope
by Elm
Summary: Post Sleep Tight. Cordelia comes home to a mourning Angel, and reminds him that not all is lost.


Title: Hope  
  
Author: Elm  
  
Disclaimer: Angel, Cordelia, etc. are all copyrighted to their respective owners.  
  
Author's Note: Post Sleep Tight. Cordelia comes back from vacation with Groo to find a mourning Angel, and reminds him that not all is lost and that there's still hope.  
  
The doors to the Hyperion Hotel flung open with a loud bang, causing Winifred Burkle and Charles Gunn to break off their quiet conversation and look at the disheveled figure standing in the doorway. Gunn stared uncomprehendingly for a moment, mouth slightly open, and then took a small step towards the front foor.  
  
"Cordy! You're back! We.."  
  
He trailed off, as Fred's hand lightly closed around his left forearm and squeezed gently. The young man looked sideways at his girlfriend, who was biting her lower lip. She glanced at the doorway, and his gaze followed to end up also on Cordelia. Numerous strands of her normally perfect hair were out of place, a sign that she had been neglecting hair care duty. Her clothes were wrinkled and looked as if they had been thrown on hastily. But the main thing that that caught Gunn's attention were her eyes. Those hazel eyes, normally sparkling and clear, were wide and filled with worry. He realized then that she already knew. Clutching her bag tightly in her hands, her head swiveled back and forth as Cordelia scanned the lobby of the hotel for something that wasn't there. Her worry filled eyes came to a halt on Fred and Gunn. The young man struggled to say something, but Fred simply let go of Gunn's arm and without a word pointed towards the stairs.  
  
The bag that Cordelia had been holding fell to the ground with a thump. She hopped down the stairs and raced past the couple, nodding slightly to them as she flew by. She practically leapt up the stairs, and moments later was out of sight. Fred looked at Gunn sadly, and then leaned against his chest as she wrapped her arms around his neck. Gunn sighed as he gently patted Fred's back, hoping that Cordelia could do what he and Fred could not for Angel. But as Groo came stumbling through the front door, dragging quite a few suitcases after him and asking the whereabouts of his Princess, Gunn's grip on Fred tightened as he realized that Cordelia also had the potential to make things worse for Angel. He hoped it wouldn't come to that.  
  
Cordelia, panting lightly, came to a stop in front of Angel's room. A room that was once his, but then became his and Connor's, and then became their room. But now, it wasn't anyone's room. The young woman took a sharp intake of breath as her eyes roamed the shattered and charred interior of the room. Cracked support beams were lying across the ground, having been jarred from their perches on the ceiling. Pieces of the chairs, of the bed, of the crib were scattered across the blackened floor, burnt and broken. But her gaze was inevitably drawn to the hunched figure in the center of room. His back was turned to her, but Cordelia could practically see the waves of sadness emitting from him. Her already pained and conflicted heart threatened to break at that moment. She slowly stepped into the room and began walking towards Angel, soot and broken glass crunching softly under her feet. The vampire made no sign of acknowledging her presence, which worried her. It had been a game, back in happier times. She'd try to sneak up on him, but every single time he'd exhibited the uncanny ability of being able to sense her. But now, he gave absolutely no indication of her presence as Cordelia came to a stop behind him. She could see over his shoulder, and saw that he was simply staring at the charred ground before him, his arms wrapped around his knees.  
  
She gently placed a shaking hand on his shoulder, and startled slightly when his voice penetrated the silence of the room.  
  
"I told you, Fred. I'm okay. I just want to be left alone."  
  
His voice was haggard and tired. Cordelia rubbed her hand gently along his shoulder blade, and when she spoke it was nothing more then a soft whisper.  
  
"Angel, it's me."  
  
His back tensed under her hand, and he uneedingly took in a breath. Drawing his senses back into reality, he blinked as the familiar fragrance suddenly assaulted him. Rose hips and jasmine. Definitely Cordelia. He shifted a bit so that he could look up at her, and he felt a pain shoot through his chest as he looked at the beautiful face that he adored so much. Her lush lips were pressed tightly together, and her wide hazel eyes were filled with so much conern, so much worry that Angel almost forgot everything else in a sudden urge to want to make Cordelia smile. That smile always made things seem better. But as her lower lip began to tremble, reality came crashing back to Angel. He understood then that she already knew. Maybe Gunn or Fred told her already? Maybe she had a vision?  
  
Before the vampire could utter a word, she had already dropped to her knees and fallen into his arms. A small cloud of ash billowed up from where her knees had hit the floor, covering her slacks and blouse in a thin film of soot. But she didn't care. Her arms were wrapped tightly across his frame as she sobbed into his shoulder. Angel clutched at her just as feverently, cradling her smaller frame against him. Moments passed as the Champion and his Seer sat there in the middle of their room, providing comfort while receiving comfort in turn from the other. Cordelia finally raised her head up, and placed her hands on the sides of Angel's head. Looking up at her as he felt her touch, he found himself staring into her sorrow filled eyes. Blinking away the last of her tears, she gently stroked the side of his head with her right hand, until her palm came to rest on his cheek.  
  
"Oh Angel, I'm so sorry."  
  
At first he thought she was sorry for what had happened, but as he gazed into her eyes he saw something there that disturbed him. Those mesmerizing eyes were practically begging for forgiveness, and that made no sense.  
  
He spoke again, voice full of concern and confusion.  
  
"Cordy? Why are you sorry? I don't understa-"  
  
His words were cut off as he felt her palm press against his cheek slightly harder.  
  
"I'm sorry because I wasn't here. I was being so selfish. There was so much going on, and what did I do? I went off with Groo on vacation! It's all my fault! If I had been here I could have helped, could have told you about the latest vision, could have prevented all this! Then Wesley wouldn't be in the hospital, and Connor would be-"  
  
This time it was he that cut her off. He had placed a finger on her lips, gently shushing her. Her could feel her lips quivering under his finger, and that sent a slight tingle through him as he was abruptly reminded of the ballet. He basked in the warmth that her lips were passing through his finger, until a single tear slid down her cheek and jarred him back into the gravity of the present situation. He quickly retracted his hand, and spoke softly to the woman that was still curled up against him.  
  
"Don't you dare blame yourself, Cordy. You had no idea all this was going to happen. No one did. I was the one that told you to go on vacation, remember? Blame Holtz. Blame Lilah. Blame Wesley. Blame me. But don't you dare blame yourself."  
  
His voice was full of pain, face so sorrowful that Cordelia couldn't help but reach up and hold him as tight as she could. However, he didn't return the embrace. She was about to say something in protest, but he began speaking again.  
  
"I should be used to this. This is a part of my punishment, part of my redemption. Whenever I think I have everything I want, I lose it all. It's happened before, and its happened again. I should have expected this."  
  
Cordelia let out an audible gasp, and pulled back to look at him in shock.  
  
"ANGEL!" she cried, her voice full of disbelief. "How the hell could you say that?"  
  
He shook his head, refusing to meet her eyes.  
  
"It's true. I've lost everything again."  
  
She clasped her hands to her chest, and for a few seconds could only stare at him disbelievingly. Finally, she found her voice.  
  
"Are you giving up already? Angel, I don't believe this. Connor isn't dead, nor is Wesley. He made many, many bad decisions that I am so going to have yell at him for later, but we both know he was trying to do what he thought best. And we'll get Connor back. I mean, we got me back from some weird hell dimension, how hard can it be to go get Connor?"  
  
She waved her arms around. "We'll just have Wesley, when he gets better, make another portal! See, easy! No problem at all!" She then punched him in the shoulder, making him blink at her in surprise.  
  
"And what's this nonsense about losing everything? You still have Fred, Gunn, and Lorne." She paused briefly, and her voice dropped to a tender whisper. "You still have me. We'll do everything in our power to get Connor back, Angel. We're your friends, we're not going to abandon you."  
  
Angel stared at her, her comment about still having her catching his attention. He had thought she was lost to him, that it could never be. She had found another to lavish her love upon, the love that he so desperately wanted to feel from her. But from the way she had said it, a familiar hope he knew deep down was futile sprung up inside of him again. This woman was simply amazing. She had made the concept of getting back Connor seem no harder then a walk in the park, and from the way she explained it he was even beginning to believe that. He wondered how he had gotten through the past few days without her, without her strength, without her support, without her love. But he realized the answer almost immediately. He had found the strength to continue after Cordelia's rejection in Connor. But now all his pillars of support were gone.  
  
Seeing Angel suddenly lapse into silence, his mind obviously somewhere else, Cordelia opened her mouth to speak. A loud crash, followed by a voice calling for his Princess echoed through the hotel. Cordelia sighed in frustration while Angel broke out of his trance and looked up at her.  
  
She clapsed his cool, pale hands in hers and sighed again.  
  
"I'll be back, Angel. I need to go check on Groo, and while I'm there I'm gonna see how the others are doing too."  
  
He flinched slightly at her mention of Groo, his hopes shattered again. The weight of everything that had happened pressed heavily on him, as it all suddenly came rushing to him at once. Cordelia was Groo's. Connor was gone. One of his closest friends had betrayed him, and now lay in critical condition in the hospital. He squeezed his eyes shut in pain as he felt Cordelia withdraw her warm, soft hands from his.  
  
"Don't brood, Angel. Please. I promise I'll be back soon. I'm here for you, and I'm not going anywhere."  
  
He did not respond, and just simply sat on the ground with his eyes closed. Angel felt the soft touch of her lips as it brushed his right cheek, and then a warm puff of breath as she whispered into his ear.  
  
"You haven't lost everything, Angel. You still have your friends. You still have me."  
  
He sighed as he heard her soft footsteps cross the room, and then leave through the doorway. It was then he realized that he was holding something she had left in his hands. Opening his eyes slightly, he gazed down at at the object. His eyes suddenly popped fully open, and he could do nothing but stare at the object. It was still in the same condition as when he had bought it for her, and it was still sealed. The vampire's mouth dropped open, and he could only continue to stare in wonder at the little blue bottle as a spark of hope ignited within him once more. 


End file.
